onethirty-five;;

I’m working on not eating as often as I normally do.

Breakfast, lunch, maybe a snack if i’m hungry after school, then dinner.

The end. 

Today, when I got home, I put down my stuff and went to get some Sesame Sticks to eat while I watch The Lying Game.  But then I thought, I’m not even hungry. You don’t need these.

And I put them down. So now, I’m just sipping on water.

I’ll have dinner around 5:30 then off to church I’ll go. I may go out to eat with friends after church and then I’ll just get a drink or something super small. 

Progress my friends.

I want to start my own diet.

The pickle diet. 

I loveeeee Pickles and could for sure live off of them. I wonder what would happen if I actually tried that?

herp derp.

Off to watch TSLAT.  This show is strangely addicting to me.  I’m almost done with Season 1!

Physical Therapy went really well today.

I’m REALLY starting to feel the soreness in my thighs, butt, ankles, calves, everywhere.  It’s the best physical activity that I’ve had in a while.  Today was rough and pretty hard on the ankles, but it still went well! 

And now I’m home. Doing 6876575896879 different things for homework.

My teachers must hate us.

I’m going to weed through all of the people I follow and just keep around the blogs that I read on a daily basis.

Not trying to offend anyone.  I’m probably still following you on my personal blog though :)

I’m baaaaack!

With good news and bad.

Lets start with the bad and get it over with…

Back in August, I was stepping off of a step and fell, dislocating and spraining my left ankle.  ’Twas awful, lemme tell you.  I went to a chiropractor a few times and it felt better.  Then about 3 weeks later, I shut my right foot in a car door (shaking your head and laughing. I know.  Now stop laughing) and messed up the muscles in it.  It got so hard to walk that Mom ended up making me go to a Foot and Ankle Dr.  He said that I probably just had some deep bruising and that the pain would go away, but he was more concerned about my weak ankles.  

He did a stress X-Ray on them last week and surgery is going to more than likely be needed to fix my ligaments that are so stretched out after numerous sprains.  He put me in PT though, in hopes of “re-educating” my ankles.  He diagnosed me with “Chronically Unstable Ankles.”  I’m unable to dance, run, and I have to keep walking down to a minimum.  How am I getting any physical activity you may ask? I’m not.  That’s the issue.  I’m improving my muscles in PT but it’s nothing extensive and I’m not burning any fat.  I can’t use my injury as an excuse though. There are other things that I can be doing right now.  Riding a bike, core exercises, and so on.  I can’t just sit around on my lazy butt all the time and sulk and whine about what’s wrong with me. I have to kick it in the rear and suck it up. So this is me, sucking it up. 

I’m going to get through this and not let it take me down.

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Depressed?  I hope not.

Good news time!!!

I’m back to blogging. I say this all the time but in order to be held accountable and have something to report to and be honest to, I have to do it. Once a day, a couple of times a week? Whatever it takes.  I want to document this journey, see the battles I’ve overcome and smile and say, “I did it”

So this is me. Doing it.

With style. 

Eating healthy has been somewhat of a struggle these past few days.

My gran has been in the hospital since Sunday. Me and my mom have been pretty much eating whatever we can get our hands on. Which means hospital food or vending machines. Neither are a good option really.

I plan on whipping it back into gear once Christmas is over and especially after the New Year.

New Year, new me? I vote yes!

Gran’s body is beginning to shut down.

As selfish as it is of me to want to keep her here as long as possible, I want her to be set free of the chains that dementia has on her life. This past year has been extremely trying and hard on her. She’s gone through so much and fought through it.

She’s not the same Granny that I knew 2 years ago. The disease only gets worse as time progresses. She hasn’t been able to walk, she’s stopped eating, she couldn’t suck through a straw this morning, she’s got the “death rattle breath” and she’s just disoriented, confused, and in pain. All i want is for her to not suffer any at all. If that means she leaves us today, it’ll be hard, but it’s the sooner she’ll get to be free and happy again. If that means she can live 10 more years comfortably and not suffer, that’d be great.

As long as she is happy and comfortable, all is well.

It’s been so hard seeing her cry from the pain and struggling talk yesterday and today. Even with the strong pain killers the hospital had her on, she was still in so much pain. I can’t even begin to imagine what she was feeling. You could see her face cringe as she slept.

I had never really seen her in that much pain, or in that kind of state at all in my entire life. I wasn’t allowed around her much while she had breast cancer, due to illnesses that I’d carry. She always put up a good front if she ever was in any sort of pain.

I could tell though, that this time, was probably all her tiny little body could take.

Who knows, maybe she’ll miraculously recover from this spell. And not to sound crude, but, it may even be best if she passes on now, that way she won’t have to deal with the tough situation and pain of not being able to talk, eat, swallow, move, etc.

All I want is for her to be comfortable. They’ve upped her dosage of morphine up to 6mg so she isn’t in any pain at all hopefully.

Please just keep her and my family in your prayers. Pray for comfort and no suffering for her and peace and acceptance for our entire family.

(I probably just went around in circles in this, but I had to get it all out)